Stars and Such

I have always been a fan of the poet Ogden Nash. He's got such a unique way of looking at things and is so very eloquent I would say at putting ideas forth.
This is my favorite poem of his. I may write more on this one later but for now, enjoy! And remember, the grass may be greener on the other side but it's just as hard to cut.

Kinldy Unhitch That Star, Buddy
I hardly suppose I know anybody who wouldn't rather be a
success than a failure,
Just as I suppose every piece of crabgrass in the garden would
much rather be an azalea,
And in celestial circles all the run-of-the-mill angels would
rather be archangels or at least cherubim and seraphim,
And in the legal world all the little process-servers hope to
grow up into great big bailiffim and sheriffim.
Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow,
But not everybody knows exactly how.
Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead
of rhinestones
Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their grhinestones,
And other people think they will be able to put in more time
at Palm Beach and the Ritz
By not paying too much attention to attendance at the office
but rather in being brilliant by starts and fits.
Some people after a full day's work sit up all night getting a
college education by correspondence,
While others seem to think they'll get just as far by devoting
their evenings to the study of the difference in temperament
between brunettance and blondance.
Some stake their all on luck,
And others put their faith in their ability to pass the buck.
In short, the world is filled with people trying to achieve
success,
And half of them think they'll get it by saying No and half of
them by saying Yes,
And if all the ones who say No said Yes, and vice versa, such
is the fate of humanity that ninety-nine per cent of them
still wouldn't be any bettter off than they were before,
Which perhaps is just as well because if everybody was a
success nobody could be contemptuous of anybody else and
everybody would start in all over again trying to be a bigger
success than everybody else so they would have somebody
to be contemptuous of and so on forevermore.
Because when people start hitching their wagons to a star,
That's the way they are.

Bump

So I have come to a conclusion. Mind you it is not some world changing one. Just something small that I think is pretty nifty. Here goes.
I think nudges are pretty cool. Let me see if I can define what a nudge is. A small push in the right direction from an unexpected source. Or sometimes even from the big man himself. Now I have been nudged many times in the past and let me tell you it always hacked me off. I always had some thought of the other person having no business in telling me what they thought I should do in any way, shape or form. But now I can see that's what makes nudges so great. And so effective. They always seem to come from out of nowhere and from the direction you least expect. And THAT is what makes them so effective. They jolt you out of your rut and makes you aware on a whole new level of what you're doing or not doing. it seems to me that God uses these as a not so subtle way of saying, "hey buddy. no deal. try something else 'cause this line of thinking ain't getting it done." (for some reason God became a hillbilly there in my head. Not sure what that was all about) Nudges wouldn't be as effective if they cam from the usual sources. Your family, friends and such. It takes that outside view that can strip away the bias and tell it like it is.
I am loving that I finally see the usefullness of such things. God is EVERYWHERE all the time. He's always looking out for you and trying to show you what you're doing wrong. Just a thought I had and thought I would share. So be on the lookout for those nudges. They're pretty cool.

Yay for flickr!

I've been trying to add images to my blogs for what seems like forever. (actually only about 2 weeks, but it seems like forever) I finally figured it out. It's not that hard, I am just an idiot.
I took this picture yesterday while playing around with the digital camera. Now the Ipitch (that's the white one and Todd's ridiculous nickname for it) was my first pitch pipe ever. I bought it at Harmony Marketplace in Salt Lake City at my first International contest ever. The Bb of course quit working about a week after we got home. (Funny thing was that Brent bought his at the same time I did and his Bb quit working at the same time.) The second pitch pipe you see is one of my favorite possessions. It is from Czechoslovakia and was made in 1908. It was given to me by a great friend named Daron Praetzel right before he moved to Ohio. Daron had one that he used all of the time and he collects others. When he moved he gave one to me and one to Todd. It was a bit emotional actually since he was giving his others to his 3 brothers.
Anyway, these represent probably the one thing in this world that makes me really happy. Music (and barbershop of course but that's a given) So I really just wanted to try and get the picture on here and then I figured i'd give a short inadequate description. So there it is.

Thank You

I just wanted to write out a quick thank you note. To all of those people in my life who I have wronged in so many ways. To anyone who has been affected by my life decisions. To my church family and to my family. Thank you. Thank you for ONE more chance. There always seems to be one more waiting. You all continue to show me how amazing christ's love is and just how infinite his patience is. What a plan he must have for me if he continues to allow others to forgive the terrible things I have done.
Please know that this time things WILL be different. Light bulbs have gone off and there is an awareness that after 29 years and so many bad decions that what I have been doing is NOT working and WILL NOT work. Thank you for sticking by me through more thick than thin. I know that these are mere words and yet they are all I can give at the moment. I have no word to stand by nor anything else. I want nothing more than to rebuild new and better relationships and freindships with you all. Please know that I am willing to do whatever I have to do to repair and fix the things I have done. Yet I know that there are miles to journey before I can get there. I am willing to go at whatever speed and to accomodate what I must to allow these relationships to grow. I love you all. I have a head start on heaven. I have seen Christ today.

The Update

Well I haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately. It's been a bit strange seeing as I have been in a blogging mood ever since I started this one. But be that as it may, I decided to give you an update on the disturbance prior to the Aggie game.
My mother, grandmother, Sherron Thomas and I had just finished eating a great supper at Johnny Rockets on the Riverwalk and were not having any luck hailing a cab. They were all taken by the time we saw them. So we meandered around downtown for about 30 minutes or so trying to find one. We eventually came to the Hyatt Regency and figured that would be a good place to grab a cab. we were correct. My mom managed to grab one as the people using it were getting out. Now comes the fun part.
I have been taught all of my life to respect your elders. I completely agree with this philosophy and try to uphold it any way I can. Now notice the statement. "Respect YOUR elders." Mine. No one elses now. I say this because of what occurred next.
An elderly couple came up to the cab as my mom was speaking to the driver about where we needed to go. The woman just sat down in the backseat and the husband proceeded to tell my mom that the people that had just exited the cab had given it to him. Whatever, NO they didn't. Just about this time the rest of our little group arrived at the cab and my mother said that the elderly couple had taken the cab. I couldn't help it. I, politely mind you, asked just how he thought the cab was his. He said it was because he had to bad hips and had been waiting 30 minutes for a cab. So I, politely mind you, asked him how that negated the fact that we had also been waiting for a cab for 30 minutes. Then he, in such a dignified manner, stated, "God d****t! Take the d**n cab!" But my grandmother then told him to just take the cab. Which they did. Now everything worked out seeing as we managed to get a cab about 5 minutes later.
This really was not as big a deal as I made it out to be in my head, but it sure was annoying. apparently when you reach a certain age you can do whatever you choose and tell anyone who doesn't like it to "respect your elders." So maybe we should all just respect OUR elders and forget about everyone elses. Probably not, but just a thought.
And FYI, the game was GREAT. It came down to the final play. Can't ask for a better one than that!

Aggie Game and the Elderly

I should write something about an incident that occurred on the way to the Alamodome Saturday night involving an insanely rude elderly couple, but I am just not in the mood to blog. Don't know why (I usually am) so check back soon for an update.

And Another List

I was watching a movie the other night on comedy central and one of the characters had a pretty nifty idea. This character was always broke and could never afford to get what he wanted in life. So, he would make a list every so often of things that he wanted. A kind of mental window shopping. He said that it made it less of an annoyance to think about the things he had listed once he wrote them down. So i decided to give it a shot. This is just a few things that I would love to have at the moment.

1. 15.4" widescreen Macbook Pro
2. 60 GB Black Ipod
3. Xbox 360
4. PS2 with Guitar Hero (great game!)
5. Some massively large HDTV
6. Sirius radio service
7. MiniCooper S (i'll need a car for the sirius you know)
8. Season tickets to Broadway Across America at the Majestic
9. New tattoo and a touch up of my old one
10. Sprint Treo 700w ( I miss my Treo 650 and this is the new one!)
11. Casio Exlim digital camera
12. Leather couch (this is a random one but dangit I want one)
13. Victory motorcycle
14. contacts or even better, lasik
15. James Avery Fishers of Men bracelet
16. Oakley E wire sunglasses
17. Oakley timebomb watch

So there you have it. I am guessing it would only take about $30,000 to provde me with everything on this list. Christmas is coming soon people. You better get to buying.

Thank you, come again!

So my title is a lame throw back to Apu the convenience store owner from The Simpsons. Now I bring that up to segue (poorly) to this. I HATE outsourcing. If you are unaware of just what outsourcing is then I will enlighten you. Major companies have their customer service directed to a call center overseas. Thereby lessening their overall pay to the employees working said call center. Now the majority of major companies outsource to India. This is where I have a problem.
I have nothing against Indian people. I have discovered recently that I enjoy Indian food. Brent and I watched a 4 hour Indian musical one time that was actually really good. BUT, I have a hard time understanding Indians when they talk. Especially over the phone.
This afternoon I was on the phone for about 2 1/2 hours with Indian outsourced employees of Hewlett Packard. Ugh. I was ready to kick a dog when I was done. I would love to know the flawed logic that went into the creation of outsourcing. Some brilliant CEO decides that when an unsatisfied customer calls customer service for help, we'll have them talk to someone they can't understand. Thereby aggravating said customer even further. So much to the point that they won't want to purchase any of our products ever again. Now back to the point. My favorite part of the whole process is when they first answer the phone and in the thickest Indian accent you can imagine they say something like, "Hello, this is Bob. How can i help you?" I mean come on. Do they honestly think that just because Ahmed has changed his name to Bob that I will suddenly think, "Oh, he's not Indian. He's Bob." It makes me just a bit angry.
Now the first time I called i could actually understand "Roger" aka Rahman Naharabi pretty well. We went through the motions of trying to fix the sound on my mom's computer until we reached a point where "Roger" could do no more. So I finished up with him and called back like I was instructed to. That's when I ended up with "Sarah" aka All Praise Allah who's voice was just about IMPOSSIBLE to understand. I had to call my mom into the room to do the listening for me. She didn't have much more luck.
I should probably stop now before I am labeled a racist KKK member. Just pray that the next time you call customer service, you actually get to speak to Bob or Sarah. Not their uninteligible alternatives.

Abilify

Today marked a new beginning. Or the beginning of a new beginning. You get the idea. I started out on a new medication. Just a small percentage of the dosage i'll eventually be taking, but it's a start nonetheless.
It all seems very strange at the moment. I can remember the first time I took lithium. An ungodly high amount mind you. I ended up at 1500 milligrams a day on that one. Then came valproic acid which is basically a synthetic version of lithium. It was supposed to lessen the side effects. Wrong. Then we moved onto to depakote. That one was a 3 times a day doozy. Much better on the side effects mind you but not my much. And finally came depakote ER. Pretty much the same as depakote but in an extended release formula that I only took once a day.
Now I don't want to leave you with the impression that I every really "took" these medications like I should have. I always played at it. It was never a regular routine. And so they all eventually faded away just like I did.
Now comes the new kid on the block. Abilify. I am starting at 5 milligrams a day for the first week and will slowly move up to 30 milligrams in approximately 2 months. 30 milligrams?! I was always on some 4 digit number in milligrams. But this is different. Along the lines of the way I feel about this whole bi-polar situation. So maybe, and i'm hoping it is, this is a good sign. That I was right about this really being different than every other time. I'm sure hoping it is.

Not Sure What I Was Thinking...

Well a night I have been waiting for since last December I think has come and gone. Nip/Tuck premiered and the new season has begun. There goes my tuesday nights for the foreseeable future. I am ADDICTED to this show. I have not missed an episode since it premiered four years ago. Last year was a lot of fun because I realized a friend of mine, Kami, was as addicted as i was. We would either watch episodes together or talk about them all week and what we thought would happen next week. Now I am back to handling my addiction alone. Except for tonight.
I had planned on watching tonight's episode by myself like I normally do. However, my mom ended up watching with me tonight. For the record, this is not a family show. Nor is it the kind of show that mom, dad and the kids gather around the tube and watch together. The word awkward comes to mind when looking back at what we just watched. Now I was prepared for what I saw. I don't think I can say the same for mom. I think she was a bit shocked. Just a hunch.
Here's a complete tangent. Larry Hagman was a guest star tonight. I won't go into the details of the surgery he wanted performed here. Nope. But it made me think of the whole liver transplant drama that centered around him a few years ago. Here's a celebrity who has drunk his liver into oblivion and now needs a new one. Of course J.R. Ewing doesn't have to wait long at all. He magically jumps to the top of the list and low and behold, has a new liver. Nevermind the other people on that same list who didn't kill their livers. Those who had cancer or a severe accident of some sort or who cares what else. It annoys me to no end that just because he's Larry Hagman he receives special treatment.
Anyway, enough about that. I got to thinking about why I like Nip/Tuck so much. The characters are certainly screwed up enough and I want Julia (Joely Richardson in real life) to die a slow and painful death. i actually want Joely Richardson to die as well. That's how much i hate her character. Having just finished The World According to Garp a few days ago it made me realize something. Nip/Tuck is like a John Irving novel. Very real (too real in some aspects) and flawed in every way. People hurt each other, families lie and manipulate each other yet they truly do LOVE each other. They always forgive. Not much forgetting but they do forgive. In some ways they expect the behavior they get from each other. It's no surprise to them. The funny thing is that I expect them to behave a certain way and 99% of the time they do. But what makes the show great is there is always that .01% that throws you. Sean finds out about his baby having a birth defect tonight. A secret that Julia (die die die) has known about for some time. Julia claimed that she didn't tell Sean because she was afraid he would leave and she says that she is having the baby no matter what. Now I am sitting here wishing a piano would magically crash through the roof and kill Julia because I know that Sean would do anything for Julia and more for his children. Then that .01% hits. Sean tells Christian near the end of the show about the baby and says that at 6 months "that ship has sailed." He actually would have opted for the abortion. I didn't see that one coming at all.
So, for the record children. If you are under the age of 18, you shouldn't be watching Nip/Tuck. And if you are over 18, don't watch it with your mom.

Literary Ramblings

Well last night at about 2:30, I finished a book. Not just any book. My all time favorite book. The World According To Garp by the great John Irving. This was I think the 5th or 6th time I have read it and I will read it many more times I am sure. I go through phases where I will just tear through a ton of books and then I won't read for what seems like forever. I am starting on one of those "tear through" phases I can tell and for some reason I wanted to read Garp again.
If you have never read Garp before, I can't begin to tell you what you have missed. It is a fantastic novel. I don't have the words to describe how much I love it. I know what is going to happen, yet I still get excited, angry, sad you name it when something does happen. I know that in those last 100 pages I will be furiously mad and in the last 30 I will cry like a baby. Happens everytime. I may be crazy (chances are high) but I wish so badly that I could sit down and talk with T.S. Garp and Helen Holm, Jenny Fields, Duncan Garp, Ellen James, Roberta Muldoon and so many more. I wish that I knew Garp but I feel like I do. There are not many good novels written anymore in my opinion. Everything is a crime drama, court drama or some romance poo. My favorite books are just about life and how it affects people. This is what is so GREAT about Garp. Life runs rampant through Garp and everyone elses life. Life and the Under Toad (you'll have to read it if you want to know )
I have come to the conclusion that I love books almost as much as music. That makes it almost fanatacism. There is almost nothing like losing yourself in a book. People have asked me why I would buy a book that I have already read. I think it's because when you really find a great book, you lose some of yourself in it. You become invested in the characters and their lives. I know I feel that way about Garp. I hurt when he hurts (which is a lot) but I cheer in his triumphs. Owning the book is like owning that small piece that you give away and being able to revisit it from time to time.
I have to run and watch a movie, but you should read The World According to Garp. I just might let you borrow my copy,

And Now For Something Completely Different

Well so far, this whole blog thing has been a bit of a downer. A lot of bad emotions and not much good to write about. So I decided to change all of that (at least for this post).
I was bored last night watching the US Open, so I decided to make a life list. Now this decision was possibly heavily influenced by a commercial I had just seen promoting the upcoming season of the Ellen Degeneres Show. Now while I am not a fan of the show, she is starting the season by helping people live out the dreams on their life lists. If you're unsure what a life list is, it's a list (obviously) of thing you would like to do before you die. Kind of morbid now that I think about it. So I came up with my own. It's a bit random mind you but here it is.

1. skydive
2. live overseas for at least a year
3. travel to Australia, Egypt and Greece
4. live in a loft apartment of a major cities downtown area
5. take a cruise to Alaska
6. see an Ohio State-Michigan football game at The Horshoe in Ohio
7. sing on the international stage in a quartet and win a medal
8. own a motorcycle
9. own my own home
10. see the French and US Open in person
11. have lasik eye surgery done
12. restore my grandfather's El Camino
13. learn a new language

So it's not much of a list I would say. I don't want to climb Mount Everest or anything but i think it's a good place to start. It was actually a lot of fun thinking about things I would like to do and places I would like to go. It was also hard at times to think of the next item in the list. So there it is. Hopefully it will get shorter as I get older and maybe i'll be able to do a few of them someday.

I am a Material Boy

The whole world is crammed, packed filled with stuff. We all want more, more and more than we have. Our possessions can come to mean a great deal to us. Me especially. Now I have to tell you that I LOVE my Ipod. LOVE IT. I never thought when I got it that it would become basically my favorite possession. It is an amazing invention (thanks Steve Jobs) Such a great way to have every bit of your music with you all the time. I listen to it in the car, on planes and every night before I go to bed. Until Yesterday. I was going to listen to it while I was in the shower (and no not IN the shower, it was on the counter outside plugged into some speakers) when it all of the sudded just freaked out. It started making this whirring noise and constantly resetting itself. Well at this point I am beginning to FREAK out. You see none of my music, all 2631 songs are backed up anywhere anymore (we'll get to this later). I spent the next 45 minutes doing everything I could possibly think to do and it just got worse. It wouldn't turn off and continued to reset itself. I checked apple.com and got some really crappy news. Everytime it reset itself an icon of a folder with an exclamation mark would appear. Just FYI, that is a BAD thing. Apparently this means that the Ipod hard drive has crashed and all of the information on it i.e. all 2631 songs are GONE. Yes GONE. Let me tell you something. I have not been that mad in a LONG time. It took everything I had to not take a hammer to my once beloved Ipod. Now I can apparently take it to the Apple store in San Antonio but that's not going to happen.
Now back to the 2631 songs not being backed up anywhere. And referencing my previous post about anger. I am fairly pissed at the world right now. I kind of imagined waking up this morning and still being a bit upset but being over it for the most part. Nope. Not one bit. I think I am madder today if that is possible. I had asked my mother a few weeks ago if I could put my music onto her computer solely to prevent something crazy like this from happening. But as you can tell that did not happen. And, since the Apple store is on the north side of San Antonio I am not going to be able to take it for the forseeable future. So I now own a $200 paperweight that makes me want to scream everytime I look at it. Now I can see both sides of this whole situation and they both make sense. On one hand, it is her computer and she can absolutely say what she does and doesn't want on it. I have no job and no money to pay for gas so getting to the Apple store really isn't a priority at the moment. Completely reasonable. On the other hand, what was the big deal in just putting the music there? It wasn't going to hurt ANYTHING. And it is a priority to me. What if the Apple store could somehow retrieve the music? How will I know if I can't take it. And my music is hugely important to me regardless of the financial situation.
So here I am. My music is gone. The funny thing is that at random moments I realize another song or CD that I no longer have. It is a TERRIBLE feeling. Terrible. There were songs there that meant a great deal to me. Songs that I listened to on almost a daily basis. They helped change my attitude and put a smile on my face. There were over 1000 barbershop songs there. I don't need to reiterate what those meant to me. Now I know that the Ipod is just an object. I know this. But it meant so much to me. It was my release. Instant access to the one thing in this world that makes me truly happy. Now I don't have it. Yesterday morning, if I had felt this way, i could have popped on my headphones and pulled up Matt White Band or maybe Barenaked Ladies. Something guaranteed to start to pull me out of this foul mood. Not anymore. Now I have to find something else and to tell you the truth, right now I don't want to. I want to be mad. Mad at the world and anyone else who cares to talk to me. What a ridiculous way to feel about a possession. But right now I just don't care.